Member-only story
Poetry
“…Curse God and Die!”
It reads in the book of Job 2:9, “Then said his wife unto him, Dost thou still retain thine integrity? curse God, and die!”
I’m sitting in my cab it’s a beautifully chilly, rainy day. I have a bit of a headache so I’m a little more on the grumpy side than normal. This passage comes to my mind as I slam my fists with all my might onto the steering wheel screaming as loudly as my voice could go & my head could handle!
I’m beyond frustrated I’m down right pissed. Absolutely aggravated at what my life’s become.
No I never planned much when I was growing up. Never laid out what I’d do with my life or whom I’d become.
Those things seemed so foreign to me, “future”, “older”, “goals”. They could’ve been in French as far as my thought process was concerned. No one talked to me about my future not any questions about what’d I wanted to do with my life were even asked.
So needless to say I didn’t finish college barely put much effort into it. Ended up with a child, single at the age of twenty-five. Things weren’t even planned at that moment. I mean what was I thinking?
In charge of an entire other human being and still not laying out any type of foundation or road map in which to live my life or hers. So at forty, still single, still a mother I’m wailing against time to complete things that should’ve been finished years upon years ago.
It’s not God that I’m angry with, it’s myself. No matter what I should’ve thought about myself a lot more when I was growing up. Gods not to blame for being a child of an abusive alcoholic.
Gods not to blame for having a father that told me that my sister was his favorite when I was ten years old. Or that never came to save us when we were getting the shit kicked outta us by my mother. It’s not God’s fault that hands of strangers touched along my young, virgin body.
It’s not God’s fault I was born with these mental defects, it’s not God’s fault that everyone that entered my life hurt me than quickly exited like a revolving door inside of the mall of America. It’s not God’s fault I sit here struggling to find this magical happiness. I am not going to curse God but I should….maybe!
Thank you for reading 🙏🏽 Please consider buying a coffee for Lacey’s House efforts in Gender Equality & Children’s Rights as it tries to move international. Also please consider buying a Medium membership for $5 USD a month or $50 USD a year. You can read unlimited stories from myself and hundreds of writers on Medium, or start your own Medium writers account.
©️TB Henry 2022 All Rights Reserved
